pseudonymouse

One thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside.

"Yep, that’s fine. That’s supposed to happen. It really demonstrates how far technology has advanced in the last 40 years. Woah. Wait, I’m sure that’s part of the shut down process. That’s okay. We’re fine really. Oh…I’m sure that’s just…water vapour? What? It’s not? Right. Shit! What the fuck is that? Holy fuck. SHIT! STAY THE FUCK INDOORS!! SHITTING FUCKING HELL!!!!!"

One week in the life of a proponent of nuclear power

Link Nearly 10 years on, this is still the funniest The Onion article ever written

Audio

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Pilot - Girl Next Door

Text Champ, Chump, Chimp

CHAMP - Jonathan Goldstein

Goldstein just happens to have the ideal amount of nebbish neuroticism I look for in a comic performer. Those people on his podcast Wiretap - they aren’t actors. That really is his parents, his friends, his former girlfriend you’re listening to and they all happen to have impeccable comic timing. It’s like Woody Allen you can enjoy without being dragged into the step-daughter-marrying-tidal-guilt-rip.

Note: if you enjoy Woody Allen films less because he married his step-daughter you are firmly in the CHUMP camp.

CHUMP - Steve Jobs

Yes, yes. I know. Mocking Apple fan boys and girls has been done to death and it’s boring as Hades. And who cares if Jobs always wears the same outfit? I for one admire his utilitarian approach to clothing. But cop a load of this:

Forbes estimated [Job’s] net wealth at $5.1 billion in 2009. As of 2006, Jobs had not appeared on national tallies of charitable donations totalling $1 million or more, as compiled by Indiana University’s Center on Philanthropy. After resuming control of Apple in 1997, Jobs eliminated all corporate philanthropy programs as a temporary cost-cutting measure until profitability improved. Despite the company’s record-breaking profits and $40 billion cash on hand, Jobs has not reinstated a philanthropic division at Apple.

Are you kidding me!? Look, I’m not going to say someone so selfish is deserving of a cancerous tumor on his pancreas, but I will imply it strongly.

CHIMP - OVER TO YOU CHIMP

Is that… is that an opposable thumb? Outrageous!

Photo

I wonder where that chaise lounge is now?